How to jinx your relationship in one easy step….write a blog about it. Sooooo, yeah, that’s done. *Laughs manically for a minute* Writing Get it Together probably wasn’t the smartest move. Relationship number 8 swirls down the toilet and disappears, without trace…… At least I’m consistent.
One of the amazing things about writing a positivity blog is that you get to share inspirational stories such as #1millionhours or Be a Daisy that might help and motivate others. It turns out that it’s not so good when you’ve lost that sense of positivity yourself. I’ve been trying to re-frame my thoughts and the best that I’ve come up with so far, is perhaps this time of difficulty is when I might be able to help people the most, so let’s see where this one goes.
You’ll remember from I did my best that I’m pretty good at acting and my default in times of sorrow is to say “I’m fine”. Unfortunately, since I’ve made that tactic public, my friends and family now all know that it’s utter bullshit and so when I spoke to my friend, I actually had to admit that I was upset about being dumped. I have been trying to be honest about my feelings when asked, but I still find it extremely difficult and I’m assuming that other people going through a bad time might feel the same. I think to myself:
- I don’t want to make other people feel bad by talking about how bad I feel.
- I feel like I’ve failed again and it’s embarrassing to discuss.
- They can’t change the situation so what’s the point in saying anything?
- They have their own lives, they are so busy, I don’t want to trouble them.
- It was a relatively short relationship so it might seem stupid to be so upset about it.
- No one died so I have no right to be upset.
I know logically none of these things make sense. I also know that if the shoe were on the other foot and someone in my life was finding something difficult, I would be there night and day and I wouldn’t agree with any of the above statements. Thing is, it’s easier said than done. I even re-read How to get the fuck over it and I thought “Yes Laura, that’s great, I KNOW all of this is true but it doesn’t help me in this moment!” (Yes, I do talk to myself, but not out loud so that’s not weird, right?)
One of my friends said casually, “You’ve been through worse, you’re tough, you’ll be fine.” Factually very correct. I have been through much worse, I am tough and I will be fine. The thing that isn’t considered in that kind of notion is the now. It considers the past and the future and offers an outcome that is probable and positive but it doesn’t consider today and crucially: mental health.
Think of your mental health as you would your smart phone (bear with me with this analogy) When you get it, it’s new, perfect, unblemished. You drop it for the first time but luckily you only scuff the cover. You’re annoyed but at least it isn’t broken. You’ll drop it a few more times, maybe there will be no physical evidence of damage. Then you drop it again, from a height, face down, straight on to concrete and it might have a hairline crack across the screen (phew, only a crack) Problem is, all those knocks have compromised the structural integrity of the phone. So much so, that the next time it slips out of your hand on to the table for example, that might be the time the whole screen shatters. Mental health is exactly like this. The damage isn’t evident and the scale of damage doesn’t necessarily correlate with that one event, it’ll be dependent on a collection of previous events.
So where’s the positivity? The moral of the story? The happy ending? The learning point? There isn’t really one yet and that’s OK. There are only a series of small victories, like the fact I got out of bed and went to work all week. The fact I cleaned my house and washed my clothes this morning. The fact I volunteered yesterday. The fact I am eating and sleeping. The fact I made a to do list. The fact I’ve written this blog. Even though I haven’t wanted to do any of it, I still did. And in the now, that’s all you can hope for.
**Sending love to anyone going through any kind of shit time, you’re totally amazing. If you do find talking to people you know difficult, don’t forget The Samaritans are here to help 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.**